Turning the tables

I admit it. I was spoiled in grad school and the first eight months of my postdoc. Paramed is a fantastic guy. Owing to his bizarre (even by academic science standards) work schedule, he always had a lot of free time during the week--sometimes too much free time that drove him a little crazy, but that's not really the point.

Because Paramed was only working two days a week and

I was working six, he took care of many of the domestic duties: laundry, cooking, cleaning, sometimes even grocery shopping. On a few occasions when I had to work really late, he would bring me dinner at work. While I was in the midst of preparing for my defense, I sent him off to a strange city, by himself, to find us a place to live.

Now the tables have turned. Paramed is still working his two days a week, but now he has class three days as well. So what "free" time he has is spent reading and studying. This is actually really great because we had agreed early in our marriage that once I was done with grad school, he would have his chance. Oddly, we seem to be spending more time together actually talking (as opposed to sitting in silence while staring at the TV): Paramed actually tells me about his days now. He's excited about what he's learning and shares it with me, which sometimes leads to heated philosophical discussions, something we've not engaged in on a regular basis for a while. And I get to tell him how what he's learning in class is applied in real-life research. Plus his college is just a few

blocks from where I work, so we walk together (both from and to home) on most of the days he has class, which gives us more time to talk.

Of course, this means he doesn't have the time to be the domestic king he once was--and it's my turn to take more responsibility. We are still trying to achieve equilibrium. Currently things are not ridiculously busy in the lab, and I've been able to leave the lab around the same time consistently. (I have a sneaking suspicion that this will change in the next few weeks, but I'll just have to figure out a way to make it work.) My evenings are now filled with meal prep and tutoring (which accounts for the recent sporadicity of my blog posts). To be honest, Saturdays have typically been work-in-the-lab and veg-out-at-home days, and I'm not quite ready to relinquish that. So Sundays are being filled with balancing the checkbook, paying bills, grocery

shopping, cleaning, planning, etc. This kind of sucks because when Monday rolls around, I feel like I've already put in a day's work, even though the week just started.

I'm glad to be able to do for Paramed what he did for me for the past few years. It's just a matter of establishing a new balance and not becoming overwhelmed by the immense changes in our lives now. Now back to calculating that equilibrium constant.

Are you in it for love?

I had not intended to write so much on the topic of time and workloads and related stuff--as I have here and here, oh and here--but it seems to be coming to mind quite a bit. I was just given a subtle reminder this morning of how I (and I daresay, a large number of us in research) have really 'got it made'.

This morning Paramed came dragging in from work (he's a medic, hence the crazy hours and the alias here). He had gotten about an hour or so of sleep, broken up into 10 to 20 minute intervals, during the past 26+ hours. During those many waking hours, he was traversing the city doing work that is necessary yet mentally, physically, and emotionally draining, often not knowing if he's walking into the middle of a volatile situation, in a part of the city where there are a lot of drunks, drug addicts, and machete-toting gangs. All of this for a job that he doesn't love.

And what do I do? Despite my complaints and whinefests, I work in a reasonably safe, nontoxic (with regard to physical and emotional health) environment with flexible hours, doing something I really love.

Many young scientists (read, grad students and postdocs, myself included) tend to fall into what I call the 'time martyrdom trap'. Manifestations of this trap come in many forms:

• I can't take vacation because I have to get x, y, and z done for advisor/manuscript/collaborator/science monkey.
• I just don't have time to eat sensibly/exercise/do other things that place balance in my life because I have too much to do in the lab.
• I've worked every weekend for the last ________ weeks, or....
• I've been working 60/70/____ hours a week for _____ weeks/months/years (sometimes followed by the sentiment that this makes us a better scientist/person than our labmate or other colleague who only works 40/50/60 hours a week).

I spent 5-1/2 years in grad school. There were experiments that required long hours. Protein purification extravaganzas could easily call for 40 hours in three days. There was the pain-in-my-ass instrument that, once it was calibrated and working appropriately (which could easily take a couple of hours), I would continue using until it decided it was tired and didn't want to work anymore. There were (and still are) those days when I decided that if I was going to do one of those long/crazy experiments in triplicate, I might as well do two or five of them. If you're doing animal or cell work, there are the days when you have a time point in the middle of the night...

Those things are generally exceptions to the standard, though, and even those we do because of our commitment to the project at hand. There are many occasions when we work late hours or weekends that we do so by choice. Sometimes we convince ourselves or our colleagues or friends or family that we don't have a choice, but if we were honest, I think most of us would realize that we actually do. That we're working the hours we do for the thrill of discovery or the satisfaction of solving a problem. (Or because we're not as efficient or productive as we could be--whether because of e-mail, Facebook, '80s quizzes, or coffee breaks.)

We are geeks and workaholics, but rather than accept that fact, we 'blame' our advisors and our work. Let's face it: At this level, we could get by with a lot less. We could lower our expectations, do the minimum work required, and get a job somewhere.

But we don't. We want more... so we do more.

There are times that my advisor, the funding climate, department politics, publishing, and many other academic gifts drive me nuts. I get pissed off by a lot of things I encounter, but it's often because I have a high level of passion for what I do and what I intend to do in the future. It's taken a lot of time and some sacrifices to get where I am, but that was my choice. I clearly didn't do it for the money or the status. I'm doing it for the adventure, the challenge, the love of science. Several PIs have told me that they have the best job in the world. That's what I'm after.

Very soon Paramed will be starting down a new path. He will continue working his crazy job, but he will also be seeking out his own passion. Being a full-time student and a full-time medic will be tough. It will take time and sacrifice, just as it did for me. But I hope along the way, he finds what I did--a career that he's chasing for love, not just to pay the bills.

Request: Please close the time abysses

Dear Guru,

You are a smart, successful scientist. This is one of the reasons that I applied for a position in your lab. There are many good scientists in your lab and interesting projects that are at advanced stages. I realize that at this precise moment, my project is not the highest priority, nor am I your pet trainee--I'm OK with that.

It seems to have not crossed your mind that I am effin busy right now.

My project was really just a glimmer of an idea in your mind with practically no experimental evidence when I started. This involved being cast into darkness where there was wailing and gnashing of teeth--and lots of literature searching. It took me a few months to get the (new-to-your-lab) model system up and running and to find a replicable positive control. A lot of tweaking and optimization was required, due to technical issues and omission of tiny details in the methods of the vast majority of papers in this area (which really isn't that many). Plus I was spending time trying to make your pet project work with your favorite cool and pretty technique (CPT)--and determined it's pretty much hopeless (at least under these conditions).

That was then, this is now. I applied old school technique (OST) to your pet project and have gotten reproducible results that not only provide useful information on your pet project but also provide a potential explanation for why CPT didn't work. That glimmer of an idea that I started is turning into a real research project. It has been producing interesting results for a couple of months that indicate this a project worth pursuing and has peculiar features we had not considered. This makes me happy. I am experiencing the joy of science again. But it also means a lot of work.

Plus you gave me an undergrad student this summer. I had forgotten how much time and work they required.

I know that with your vacation, meetings, company, grant and manuscript preparation, etc. that you haven't been doing as many walkthroughs the lab. Otherwise you might have realized that I am effin busy. Due to/on top of the reasons stated above, I am balls-to-the-wall trying to generate preliminary data so that I can put together a competitive fellowship app in a few months. And (in case you haven't really processed it) we soon have to shut down the lab for an entire week (possibly more) for the move down the street. Although I look forward to settling into our new home, I am effectively hamstringed for a few weeks until I can get my little bastards up and going and happy again--which is why I'm trying to bust out as much as I can right now so I won't be sitting around with my thumb up my ass for a month.

I tell you all this not so much to complain (ok, so maybe to complain a little) but to build the case against all the interruptions-largely of your doing-that are robbing me of my time actually doing science. Such as:

• lab meetings that take half a day
• 2 hr meetings with collaborators for which you give me ~48 hour notice of said event and that you'd like me to present
• after the half day lab meeting, requesting a meeting with the minion and me for that afternoon
• or my current favorite scenario: after the above meeting with minion, we discuss my project (the combination of which took over 1.5 hr) and you tell me you want to put my name in for a position on a training grant. You tell me I'll need to write a paragraph for it, and that it's due some in about a month or so. No problem, I'll take some of my weekend time to write said paragraph. After receiving a draft nine days later, I essentially get this response: 'btw, you need to write 2 pgs., it's due next week, and you really should get your grad advisor to write a recommendation.'

I am resigned to the fact that none of this will actually change. You have been operating this way for years. Still, a girl can always dream.

Your effin busy, slightly frazzled postdoc,

Belle

Balancing act, Part 2

Some time after posting my take on balance in science I realized that:

• it might come off a little preachy, for lack of a better word
• some of my intentions may not have been very clear
• and I just have more to say on the matter

Here are the major points from the previous post:

• Balance is about fulfillment and renewal in four areas: physical, spiritual, mental, social/emotional
• Many scientists (and people, in general) lack balance in their lives
• Working longer hours does not necessarily mean you're achieving more
• You can find ways to make time for what's truly important to you

These are hard lessons to learn. I know because I've been there and spent plenty of time banging my head against a wall. What I say here is based on my experiences and observations.

In graduate school, you probably are going to have to spend more time in the lab in order to be productive, especially the first couple of years. Whether you're coming straight out of undergrad or you've been working in industry for a few years, there is so much to learn and to do-classes, research, writing, etc. Even if you did research as an undergrad or worked in a lab afterwards, the way you approach research in grad school is completely different. Essentially you have to be retrained. And that means you're going to screw stuff up and have to futz around to figure out how to get things to work sometimes-which means more time in the lab.

If you pay attention, though, you may eventually realize how much time is lost with general screwing around. How often do you check your email? Do you respond immediately to every email-whether it's work or personal, whether it will take 15 s or 20 min to write a response? How much time do you spend on Facebook or blogs (ironic, I know) or other completely unrelated crap? How much time do you lose trying to figure out what you're going to do today? Was there something you could have done yesterday to expedite your experiments today?

During my last year of grad school, I recognized some HUGE time sinks, and I began making adjustments to reduce their size. I began planning out experiments at least a couple of days, if not a week, in advance. This gave me an immediate focus each day, so that I wasn't spending the first hour or so deciding what to do and how to do it. Plus, because I knew what I was doing tomorrow or later in the week, I could do the tedious, time-consuming, but oh-so-essential prep work (i.e. labeling tubes, making buffers, setting up calculations) a day or more ahead, saving only the time-sensitive prep work for the day of the experiment. Another small thing that pulled some time out of the abyss: Not reading my email until after I had initiated an experiment. Some days I wouldn't even open my computer for an hour or two after I got to the lab. Even if I did check my email, it was to see if there were any messages from Bear, his admin, or my department that would require immediate response and/or action. Otherwise it could wait in my inbox until I had a break in my experiment.

Making these adjustments to my day allowed me to accomplish more in a less time. I realized that spending one less hour in the lab a day (to make time for non-science things) would not derail my research if I used my time appropriately. During the last 8 or so months of grad school, I was taking off early one day a week to go gym climbing with a friend. It was a great (and very much needed) stress reliever. And I was still productive. I generated more than half the data for a manuscript during that time, despite also writing a massive review, a dissertation, and spending almost a month away from the lab not working on anything science-related*.

Some labs/departments/institutes create a culture that implies if you're not spending 60/70/80 hours a week in the lab, you're not a 'serious' scientist. Sometimes individuals convince themselves that they can't have a life outside of the lab AND a productive, successful career at the same time. This is total bullshit. And just so we're clear, I'm not the only one who feels this way, and there are examples of successful scientists who don't work inhuman hours.

Granted, if you show up to work at 10, leave at 4, and take 2 hours for lunch and coffee breaks, then you probably should reconsider your career options. But working 8 productive hours a day does not mean you're a bad scientist. It means you're an efficient and organized scientist and that you've learned some lessons that some people never do. Sometimes you will have to work extra hours due to the nature of the experiment, an impending grant/manuscript revision, or bad luck. You may have to reduce the time spent on certain extracurricular activities (like Facebook or blogs or TV), but you can make time for the things you deem truly important.

For me, starting a postdoc has been a lot like starting grad school again. New city, new people, new lab, new project. It's taken a few months to equilibrate and to remember and apply the lessons learned in grad school, but I'm working on it. And already I'm happier for it. Now if you'll excuse me, it's time to head to the lab.

* Of that time away, only one week was planned and spent doing something that I really wanted/enjoyed doing. Taking a month off from science a few months before defending your dissertation is not something I would recommend. The point is that, if necessary, it can be done if you make the most of your time in the lab.

Balancing act

It had been quite some time since I wrote a formal mission statement. This may seem absurd or hokey or whatever to many people, but I am much more focused and productive when I have some clear idea of what, where, and who I want to be, even if it’s not entirely clear how I’m going to get there. Having experienced some significant events and reached some major goals (i.e. completing Ph.D. and starting a postdoc at a highly reputable institute) I realized it was past time to reevaluate my mission. During the process of writing my mission statement early yesterday morning, I realized some important things about myself and my goals-things that I probably knew all along but had never really expressed and that reaffirmed my choices thus far.

I used this mission statement builder to focus and guide the process. One of the modules addresses balance, which they define as "a state of fulfillment and renewal in each of the four dimensions: physical, spiritual, mental, and social/emotional." I've been thinking this morning about balance-and the lack thereof-in the lives of grad students and postdocs.

I've attended these 'women in science' panel discussions (by choice) a couple of times-you know, the ones where four or five female PIs at the university are put in a room with a bunch of female grad students, postdoc, and junior faculty to discuss the challenges of being successful as a woman in science (I have more to say on this topic, but I'll save it for another post). Inevitably the discussions digress into the family-work life balance issue: When should I have kids? How do you balance your family and career? And so on.

Here's the thing: Life is a balancing act, with or without kids. I'm not saying that children don't change/complicate the mix. But life is about balance. And balance is something that many folks in science seem to lack, and I would wager this is the major-if not sole-cause of burnout in science. I harken back to my conversation with Ronald. On occasion in our conversations, I will mention heading to the gym or going for a run during the work week, and Ronald will comment as to how he would love to do that but work takes up too much time.

LISTEN UP, EVERYONE. YOU MAKE TIME FOR WHAT'S IMPORTANT. WORKING LONGER DOES NOT MEAN WORKING HARDER. WORK SMARTER AND HARDER AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORK LONGER. IT'S ABOUT PRIORITIES.

I love science. I think about it a lot. I enjoy being in the lab. BUT I need other things too. I need to keep myself in good physical condition. I make time for it because when I feel good, I can work longer hours (as necessary), and I am more productive during the hours I work because I'm not run down and thinking about how terrible I feel. My husband and I reinitiated a regimented schedule this week. It means being up before the chickens, but it's working. I've already put in 20 productive hours in 2 days, well on my way to 50+ for the week. And I've still gotten out of work early enough to have time for a quick dinner, a workout, and some quiet meditation time before heading to bed early to get enough sleep to start again the next day.

Not everyone would like my schedule. Different people have different temperaments. I get that. But if you want to be happy and successful, you damn well better figure out how to make time for things other than science while still being productive in the lab.

I'll step down off my soapbox now.

The last productive Friday

After a very productive early part of the week, the mid/late part of the week has fallen flat, owing mostly to the brain-fogging cold/cold medications. And my undergrad has returned from his mini-vacation. (Don't get me wrong. It's kind of fun having a minion working on a mini-project that I would be doing eventually, but it also means planning for two and often working even longer hours to finish my work that couldn't get done because I was supervising the minion.)

And tomorrow promises to be the last opportunity for a highly productive Friday for months.

In my postdoc lab, Fridays are notoriously unproductive days, mostly through no fault of my own--and I'm not the only one who feels that way. I am sure that in many labs, Fridays are typically less productive--people are winding down from a busy week, maybe leaving earlier than they would any other day of the week. In my graduate lab, we had a one-hour journal club (which included lunch), and half the group was cleared out before 5 on Friday.*

But the current situation is in a different class. In my postdoc lab, we have group meeting on Friday mornings. Generally I am not opposed to group meetings and, in fact, think they are important (more on that later). The problem is our group meetings are THREE HOURS LONG! I had never heard nor conceived such a thing before I arrived at BRI. There is little time to setup or perform experiments before the meeting (unless you arrive at the butt crack of dawn). The meeting rarely ever starts on time.** The first 20+ minutes are devoted to budget, administrative, and general lab issues. Then the data fest begins. About 5 people present each week, but there is no time constraints, so people are free to ramble (and ramble some do) for as long as they like... for THREE HOURS.

By the time nearly 3 hours worth of data (typically with little or no background or introduction) has passed in front of me, I'm exhausted, and my brain is toast. And it's time for lunch. After lunch, it's time to write up a TPS report. By the time I take care of my children--er, cells--the day is almost gone. And I'll be damned if I'm going to start a multi-hour experiment late Friday afternoon (as Friday and Sunday evenings are the only weekend I have with Paramed).

My current boss, Guru, has been on vacation for the past 2 weeks. So we've had a blessed break from the tedium. Guru returns next week, so back to the drudgery.

I'll just have to make the most of my last productive Friday until the boss leaves again.

*Granted, it usually pissed off Bear, but being the passive-aggressive creature he is, he wouldn't say anything about it. Instead I (or some other unfortunate soul in his path) would get to endure a snarky remark or acidic 'conversation', despite/because of the fact that I was still there at 4:30 on a Friday.

**This is a huge pet peeve. And nothing at BRI starts on time.